


Let Me Give You My Life

by Whatafuckingdumbass



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Norse Mythology - Neil Gaiman, Norse Religion & Lore, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Loki (Marvel), Delusions, Dialogue Heavy, Fantastic Racism, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Language, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Odin's A+ Parenting (Marvel), Odin's Bad Parenting (Marvel), Odin's Parenting (Marvel), Other, Pain, Thor is a Good Bro (Marvel), What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29937783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whatafuckingdumbass/pseuds/Whatafuckingdumbass
Summary: After Frigga's funeral, Loki starts hearing a voice. It changes their life completely.
Relationships: Loki & Infinity Stones, Loki & Space Stone, Loki & Tesseract, Loki/Infinity Stones, Loki/Space Stone, Loki/Tesseract
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22
Collections: Loki/Infinity Stones





	1. Verse 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings:** Mourning, Fantastic Racism, Mental Illness, Death, Language, Delusions (kind of a metaphor)  
> If you are not interested to these topics or believe that this work will be harmful to your mental well-being, please do not read this ([there is some Christmas fluff/crack with little to no angst, if you want](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28182081)). I am a terrible person that hates their characters.  
> Also, all the characters are he/they or she/they, so expect the pronouns to change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first interactions with the stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** mourning, fantastic racism, mental illness, delusions

> _My lover's got humour / she's the giggle at the funeral / knows everybody's disapproval_

Loki's hands are steady as he holds the lantern, hoping the torn fingers won't bleed on it and make the bright light dim.

Thor is the one to throw the arrow at Frigga's boat, it's the only thing the family had agreed on in years. Loki is watching from the shadows as Thor lets her join the other warriors in Valhöll and Odin makes their usual speech after a battle. 

They do everything perfectly, let the lantern fly on time and keep quiet. There's not a single scene done.

And hopefully, no one will notice how close to weeping like a child he is. But they have to contain it until they're somewhere private.

Thank Norns, Odin never has a feast after a funeral and Loki can hide in his chambers and cry his eyes out in peace.

In the middle of the night, Loki's still far from sleeping. Eyes red and breaths shaky, they're sitting on the bed and trying not to alert anyone with their weeping.

An attempt proven to fail.

"Isn't mortality so pitiful?" a voice asks. It's not clear from where, or who speaks, but Loki hears it crystal clear.

"We're Gods, not mortals," he whispers, trying to compose himself enough. The voice laughs.

"If so, why are you mourning a lost one? If you knew what immortality really is, death would be a joke to you," the voice mocks. With what audacity does it laugh at something like this?

"Leave me alone," Loki cannot stop their voice from breaking.

"You'll join me and the other gems, Entropy. And then, you'll be a true immortal," 

"I said; leave me alone!" he yells at the top of his lungs, glaring at nothing. They slap their mouth shut moments afterwards, holding his breath and hoping no one heard it.

No guards appear and the voice doesn't echo again, so Loki lets a sigh and lays down, slowly going into a restless sleep.

> _I should have worshiped her sooner / if the heavens ever did speak / she's the last true mouthpiece_

It takes a lot of research to find what the voice is and what it tried to say. Thor started worrying about his brother, but everyone mourns differently. And since Loki's not hurting themselves, everything is decent.

A week after Frigga's funeral, the Tesseract speaks again, waking Loki up from another restless sleep.

"So, you have questions," it states. He doesn't need a lot of time to wake up completely.

"Why are you reaching out to me? And why now?" they ask, trying to find something in the dark room to replace the lack of eye contact.

"Because it's your pain that made you visible," it stays serious since the jokes of the last time didn't work.

"But why me?"

"You shall find out,"

Loki doesn't speak, letting his brain do what it does best, find the hidden meaning in one's words.

"What do you want from me?" they ask, voice sharp.

"To come back where you belong. You're not of Asgard nor Jötunnheim, Laufeyson. The truth has been hidden from you long enough,"

This time, Loki's the one who laughs.

"I'm not serving a cube, especially one that doesn't know my own name,"

"You're the one living in the dark. But, if you wish so, allow me to bring some light. Look at a mirror," it orders. Loki would laugh at it, but the warm feeling that suddenly crawls in his skin is enough to make him check it out.

"What did you do to me!?" they yell, red eyes glaring at the reflection.

"Odin had a spell hiding this, I made it fluid and gave you control of it, Laufeyson," there's a glimpse of sympathy in the voice, probably an idea on Loki's mind.

He raises a hand, aiming at a mark along his cheekbone. Their heart skips a beat when they feel the cold and hard skin, raised from the surrounding area.

"But… Laufey had no kids," he doesn't know how he keeps his voice steady.

"Odin has told you many lies, one of them is that you're related. I can give you your family back, your true family. But you have to offer some things first," and here it is. The trap. And Loki finds the strength to laugh again.

"I am no one servant, no matter what my last name is. I don't care where I belong to, or whatever other shit you want to shove down my throat, leave me alone," they again glare at the nothingless.

"Very well. I shall leave you alone, but call me out when you need to, Entropy." it declares and vanishes, leaving Loki in the silence.

He should be upset about Odin's lies. They should be raging and heartbroken. But, it just makes sense, being a Frost Giant. It explains the neglect, the favourites. And no rage is burning inside Loki.

At least nothing more than his usual.

> _Every Sunday's getting more bleak / a fresh poison each week / "we were born sick" / you heard them say it_

The next day, Loki announces to Odin that he knows, that they found out last night when the blue skin appeared.

What a stupid move.

It's obvious that Odin fed him with more lies. That he found them when a baby, small and weak and crying out for dear life, and took them home out of the goodness of his heart. Loki knows that it's politics that brought him to Asgard.

The news of Loki's heritage travel through Asgard faster than light. There are no attacks against them, who would dare? But the old men of the court didn't like this new change.

"Your Majesty, with all due respect," a rich lord clears his throat, eyes on Odin, "what should we do with the enemy?"

"Good lord Gæirasson, there's no enemy threatening us," another man says, confusion visible. They're of Vanaheim, one of the few neutral realms.

"Oh, there is one," the Gæirasson spits, now glaring at Loki. They have fought against Jötunnheim, so there's a reason to excuse the behaviour. 

But if he's left like this without a punishment, more people will follow this path.

"My good lord, there's a treaty of peace between Asgard and Jötenheim, as you well know since you signed it. The punishment for breaking it, apart from deeming people to a war, is banishment; and I consider that neither of us want to be stripped from our rights and families. As for disrespecting a member of the royal family, by blood or by deal, the sentence is usually execution. Though, this is a court considering taxes, no war, and spilling blood would be a shame," they keep a serious face, eyes fiery at the old man.

They almost jump up, taking some papers with him. "Enough! I will not negotiate nor give any of my gold to the house of Monsters! Allfather, you're more than free to attack me, should you have the guts!" they yell and leave the room without any further word.

The courtroom falls to a deep silence before a Vanir lady rises

"Allfather, I believe the prince should be excused after this," they suggest, voice soft but the words echo like cannons.

"Excuse me? I am the one in charge of the palace's gold, how on the Nine will this council continue without me?" Loki tries to maintain whatever calmness he has, though it starts running out.

"She's correct. We've already lost an ally because of your tongue. You may leave the coin duties today, I'll make sure you're aware of what we shall decide," Odin decides, waving at Loki like they're some kind of bad smell.

He strides the corridors, aiming at the only person he finds comfort to.

"Mother, can you let me in?" they knock on the big door, almost like an instinct. And then realise why Frigga will not open the door.

He doesn't waste time by walking. Instead, they teleport in their room, the slappy spell leaving them kneeling on the floor. He suppresses whatever cry and scream he has inside him, feeling his stomach twist with sorrow.

"Why did you let this man live?" the Tesseract asks, even though Loki's usually the one to ask questions.

"He's just an old man," Loki whispers, the power they would use on screaming now holding back sobs.

"They offended you, Entropy. Death would be a gift to the universe for an excuse of a creature like him!" for the first time, it shows emotions. And its rage fills Loki with anger as well.

"No… blood will only bring more blood," he argues.

"Stop using other's words and use yours," it commands.

"Fine. What the fuck do you want me to do?" They glare at nothing, once again.

"Kill him. Save the realm from a civil war and the universe from an awful man," the voice is clear like bells. But Loki still nods a no.

"P-please, leave me a-a-alone, I-I can't speak now," he whispers, not even trying to stop his tongue from making him sound like this.

"Very well. Call me when you are ready," its fury softens into sympathy before it vanishes again, leaving the chamber empty and Loki the way they have been used to be, all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yes, It started strong. Also, I want Loki's interactions with the Tesseract to look like delusional episodes but I forgot to do the research, so if anyone knows better, you may comment and correct me.


	2. Verse 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Stone starts to influent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **warnings:** alcohol, depressive symptoms, fantastic racism, stuttering written by someone who doesn't stutter

> _My church offers no absolutes / she tells me "worship in the bedroom" / the only heaven I'll be sent to / is when I'm alone with you_

"How was the dining with the good masters?" the Tesseract asks. Loki swears it's sarcastic.

"Terrible. The ones that didn't demand for me to leave were whispering and staring, and some even pitied me… I should have never told Odin that you showed me," they sigh as they lay down, seiðr creating a glass of wine in their hand. Usually, his magic has a tickling sensation, playful and livid. But since Frigga's death, it's numb.

"You're right, I don't belong here… I don't belong anywhere…" they sigh, staring into the goblet with the red liquid. Perhaps, if he could find the strength to end it all…

"No, this is not the solution to your problems. You won't find your family there," it cuts off the train of thoughts before Loki can even process it.

"The only person I ever knew as family is there, Tesseract. Why can't I join?" they don't cry from the mention of Frigga, they haven't done it for weeks. He's just as numb as his magic now, the talks with the Tesseract and goblets of wine being the only things that can make him feel something, but they start weakening too.

"She lied to you, like Odin did. They taught you your magic, yes, but also how to hide what you feel and who you are. She is to blame for the nothingness you feel now, just like Odin is. Tell me, is that what family does?" it argues.

Loki opens their mouth, but closes it again. "No… then, what do I do?" he asks, staring at nothing. 

"You live, until you find something worth dying for," it responds, voice softer than ever. He just scoffs and brings the golden goblet closer to his lips.

A blue light makes the goblet vanish before Loki can take a sip, filling them with the dark red liquid. "Hey! That's my favourite tunic, you needn't stain it!" He glares at the top right corner of his chamber.

"You have not taken it off for a week,"

"Because it's my favourite tunic,"

The stone lets a sigh. "Go take a bath, change to your second favourite tunic, try eating something that's not wine and act like you're the heir of two thrones for once or I'll teleport you to Muspelheim and let you burn," 

Loki sighs and gets up, following the shower order (especially because they've started to feel their hair going oily and gross). He had almost missed the feeling of scorching hot water on his skin, even though it started to hurt since his Jötunn form came to the surface.

When they walk back into their chamber, damp hair dripping on their second favourite tunic, they spot a tray of fruits and tea on their bed. "Thank you, Tessie," he smiles and sits beside it, his stomach begging for him to raid it.

> _I was born sick, but I love it_

"I am not negotiating. Not until this _monster_ is out of your house!" Gæirasson spits, small vacant eyes glaring at Loki. They don't shift their face or posture, but the room still freezes.

"Please, reconsider your words. One should not offend a prince like this," an elf notes, as if Loki cannot speak for himself.

 _"You're to ask for permission before you speak, Gæirasson will only get angrier with you."_ Odin had told them before the council.

 _"Please, learn how to manage your fury. You'll start a war without realising it if you keep going like that,"_ Frigga had said countless times.

"A prince of monsters, yes. Isn't worth any more than the Giants I've sent to Hel," the outrageous man growls.

"Do not let him speak to you like this, you're worth much more than these words," the Tesseract says. Loki breaks his posture to take a deep breath, and then turns to Odin with a calm face.

"Father, may I answer to those words the way they deserve to?" they ask, never breaking the collected face. It fools Odin enough to nod a yes.

And Loki lets a grin appear, showing his fangs.

The water inside the goblets turns into ice as Loki rises from their seat, pale skin fading to reveal a blue and marked one. With his new height and black horns, he barely fits in the room, bloodshot eyes glaring at the old man enough to make him think that the thin irises would turn into daggers and stab him.

The man shivers, but not from the cold

"We are not afraid of your riches or your army and your bravado is fooling no one, G-Gærasson," they state, not breaking eye contact as their tongue strammers.

"You think you can scare me when you can barely speak, Giant?" 

The negotiation table breaks in half as Loki slams his hand on it. "You have spoken enough!" they yell, summoning a new wave of shivers down the lord's body.

"You will leave this room unharmed only because of my mercy, and you know well that your words have given me every right to kill you right here and right now. You want to bring war to my house, I don't give a fuck. You know why? Because we both know very well that I can chop your soldiers to pieces without using neither my Frostbite nor seiðr and with ease. Go ahead and start a war, I have no problem to end it. The only demand the palace has is for you to pay us with the gold you owe and get lost. Or else, your house will cease to exist and will stay in history only as an example of what happens to those who anger me!" he growls, never breaking eye contact with the lord and not mouthing a single lie. Gæirasson loses his colour, stands up and leaves, panting like a dog.

"Loki, enough. You have your war, are you satisfied?" Odin asks after the door closes.

Loki's fiery eyes turn to the king.

"Satisfied? You should be the one to do this! This man offended our house and the throne greatly, they canonically deserve execution! And you made me sit there like a coward and listen to those insults!" they yell, this time out of frustration. The old Loki would never raise his tone at Odin, good thing he's gone.

Odin takes a deep breath, trying to keep themselves under control. "My son, I understand that you're going through a bad time, but there's no need to lash out like this. Would your mother like seeing you growling and yelling and cursing like a sailor?"

"You have no right to bring her up, she has nothing to do with it!" Loki's fury only gets wilder after this. But Odin does not coward away.

"I said enough! Shut your mouth and leave right now! And you'll be in charge of the war, since you can end it with such ease," he yells back, ten times louder and more intense. Loki lets the Æsir glamour return but doesn't lower themselves more as they walk away. 

"You started a war, do you regret it?" the Tesseract asks as long as they're alone in a corridor. Loki grins.

"Not a bit."

> _Command me to be well / Amen, Amen, Amen_

Loki walks around in his room, his fingers picking up each other once again. They tried to quit this habit after Frigga's death, but to no avail.

"Te-te-tesseract," he calls out, biting his tongue at the stutter. Since they've started the war, this annoying stutter has come back at full force, probably from the stress.

"You summoned me, Entropy?" it asks, more like states. Usually, Loki would find comfort only with the stone. But now, it only makes him move nervous.

"Y-y-yes. I did-I did call you to-to…" they puff out some air, closing their eyes with shame.

A hand grabs his hands, making them calm down. Loki raises their head to face an illusion of the Tesseract, trying to mimic contact.

It's a form of a body, tall and lean and glowing blue. Its eyes are looking at him with sympathy, face soft. It's the most breathtaking person Loki has ever seen.

"You can speak freely with me, don't fear," it smiles, tilting its head. Loki lets out a sigh.

"You said that, w-wh-when I'm r-ready, I-I'll agree to your-to your commands. I-I am ready," they speak, not even trying to mask up some confidence.

"I'm glad to hear. But, you'll have to acknowledge that there'll be a cost-"

"I don't care. I-I've lost ev-ev-everything already. You're th-th-the only one left," he lowers his head.

The hand moves to their face, cupping their cheek and brushing its thumb against their cheekbone, huge blue eyes staring into them. He can't help but tilt towards the hand, closing his eyes and breathing slowly.

"Perhaps you shouldn't… I've caused you enough pain, why seek out for more?" it doubts. It's almost funny, listening to doubt in a voice Loki knew to be so determined.

"I-I-I'm sure. Ple-please," they whisper, opening their eyes again. The form nods.

"Very well, Entropy," the serious and awe striking voice Loki knows returns, moments before the blue form vanishes in a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fic is sad as hell but has a badass Loki and emotional support Tesseract and if this doesn't counter down the angst, Idk what does


	3. Verse 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The orders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** fantastic racism, death (not graphic), math

> _If I'm a pagan of the good times / my lover's the sunlight_

Loki storms the library once again, this time searching everything about the Tesseract and this Entropy they call him all the time.

Entropy still remains a mystery, but there are even more writings about the space stone than the ones they've seen before.

 _"It says here that they worshipped you,"_ Loki says, but only internally. He's in public, speaking to the walls would make him appear mad.

 _"People express loyalty in different ways,"_ they answer, always softer since the deal.

_"Is that what you want? Loyalty?"_

_"Among other things, yes. But mostly trust that I will not hurt you, cause I won't,"_ they promise. Loki already knows this.

Can't break something that's already in pieces.

"Brother!" Thor yells as he walks in. Loki's shoulders tense, this idiot never warns them.

"Tho-thor," he answers, eyes on Thor as they drab a chair and side beside him. "How come you be i-i-in here? You ha-ha-hate books," they raise an eyebrow at their brother.

"I'm here to see how you're doing. You've been acting oddly lately," he answers, those blue eyes scanning Loki.

"People grie-grie-grie-grieve in different ways, Th-thor. I a-a-a-assure you, I'm fi-fine," he hums, turning back to the book.

"Loki. After all this, just remember that I'm here for you, eh? You needn't face anything alone," Thor insists, placing a big and steady hand on Loki's shoulder.

Loki's body nods, and smiles, watching as Thor smiles back before leaving. Loki's mind wonders if this is all a mistake. Thor was, _is_ grieving too. Maybe this is all too much…

But Thor wasn't there when Gæirasson offended Loki, neither time. In fact, Thor has been a ghost since Frigga's death.

 _"You have my trust and loyalty, until the end,"_ Loki decides, feeling in their core how relieved the Tesseract is by the answer.

 _"Allow me to show you another secret then. Look at your hands but don't touch anything and don't let it spread,"_ they answer.

Loki lets the book and brings his torn from the picking hands under the table, always watching them. Black ropes start appearing and tangling themselves on their fingers, creating a calming sensation and demanding more ground, but Loki doesn't allow it. Out of all kinds of magic, this is by far the most powerful one he has ever seen.

And the most chaotic.

> _To keep the Goddess on my side / she demands a sacrifice_

Like every day, the official Tesseract session is late at night, while Loki should be sleeping. Signs of their decreasing amount of sleep are becoming more and more visible, but they don't care.

"The o-orders?" he asks.

"You need to know some things first. In order to keep you from dying, King Laufey made a deal with one of us. Your life for acts of service. You need to do some things before being free," they do speak like they did on the first days, but somehow still softer.

"Acts of s-s-service?" he questions. So, the stone just needs hands and will borrow theirs?

"Yes. There are things that will keep the stones safe from those who seek them to do harm. Asgard has two, and you need to make sure that some things are set to their protection. It's just one thing, really. But you need to use your new powers to do so,"

Loki nods, the movement small and cut, like a soldier's.

"Ready to-to comply,"

> _Drain the whole sea / get something shiny_

"First order. Free yourself from everything, good and bad," the Tesseract says. Loki blinks in confusion.

"H-how?"

"What bad do you carry into you? The possessiveness, the jealousy, this ego you named pride, all this fury… you don't need them from now on. Let them go," they insist.

"L-let them go?"

"Act as if they don't exist, don't give them your attention. The same thing goes for your bright side. You faith in your moral compass, your deep feeling for everything you care about. Both of those sides will keep you from moving on. You mustn't listen to them anymore," they explain, as if it's something easy.

"So… y-y-you want me to be-to be your li-little m-m-minion?" he raises an eyebrow. Is that what they agreed on? Being a tiny pawn but just on a different chess board?

“No. Not exactly. You are not to abandon them for my own good, but for yours. The acts might hurt these sides of you, you need them in one piece,” their voice softens.

Loki takes a breath, in and out as slow as possible, and nods again. “What-what sh-sh-should I-I do?” even though the stutter stays, he refuses to let his voice break.

They swear they can feel the stone smiling.

“Listen to me, and don’t act upon them. Also, learn how to control possibility magic,”

_Possibility magic? Is that what the black ropes are?_

“Learn how Midgardians think of possibilities. It’s close to how your new abilities work,” they advise him. _So, this is what being under the orders of a stone is like? Homework and pretending? it’s nothing they don’t know how to do for hundreds of years…_

“And after the-the week?” 

“the fun starts.”

Loki smiles wide, wider than he has ever smiled even before Frigga’s death.

> _something meaty for the main course / that’s a fine looking high horse_

The week passes peacefully. Loki doesn’t have to worry about how to do what, the Tesseract is there to help them with it and lets them just decide how to do what and, oddly enough, the Midgardian science was calming.

At least, more calming than war theory. And less graphic.

He was chilling on the training grounds and working on the newfound magic, until the Tesseract came.

“It’s time,” they say moments before a blinding blue light covers Loki. 

With the blink of an eye, they’re at a castle’s yard, hiding behind a bush.

“Prevent the war, you know how,” the Tesseract says again. 

On the contrary, Loki has no _idea_ where he is and what he has to do.

At least not until a guard passes by, near the bush, their armour bearing Gæirasson's symbol. 

They smirk, moving from shadow to shadow and into the castle, where they cast an invisibility spell to navigate without worrying about getting caught.

> _What you've got in the stable? / We've a lot of starving faithful_

In the grand hall, Loki finds the old lord. They're discussing an attack, in which he is the main character, of course. They're to strike tomorrow evening.

Loki has to hold himself not to laugh. Instead, they sit and wait. Wait until Gæirasson ends the council and heads to their bedroom. And Loki follows. Until the corridors make a room, with six doors to navigate through.

It would be such a shame if they suddenly closed shut, locking the two foes inside. 

The old fool chuckles. "I know you're here, Frost Giant. I can smell your people's blood," he looks around.

Loki chuckles back and drops the spell, standing right in front of the man.

"Is it this? Or do your aged joins hurt with the cold?" he titles his head, showing his signature mischievous smile.

"Why are you here? To negotiate? We've been past this part," they growl. Loki doesn't break the smirk, but lets a glow pass their eyes. Green, but with icy blue undertones, and a pitch black shadow.

"No. We are here to talk about monsters. For, as you can smell, the blood of my siblings who you slained are screeching for it"

> _That looks tasty / that looks plenty / this is hungry work_

"Do you know anything of my people's belief regarding the Norns?" Loki asks, circling around the man like a predator waiting to strike.

"Why should I care about the opinions of monsters?" he spits, trying to mimic the glare.

"Oh, because it's interesting. We believe in the norns, like you do. But they don't create the strings, they knit them. Twisting and turning and combining and separating people, and letting us choose where to go on each knot. Fascinating. Oddly enough, the mortals have a similar way of thinking, at least the ones who are closer to science. They name it possibilities, and write it with numbers,

"Let me give you an example. There's a fifty percent possibility that I will continue this conversation with my normal face," Loki speaks, letting the Æsir glamour fade and rising to his Jötunn height. "But I won't choose this path because your ceilings are low and I would have to bend my neck," they continue, after walking a few steps and letting their horns scratch the ceiling. The glamour appears again, bringing him to his Æsir skin.

"And there's always the possibility that you die, because of your old age and the stress of the war you created. And the only reason people remember you is as an example of why not to piss me off," he grins, the black ropes tangling around his wrists.

"And the possibility, in Midgardian terms, is one hundred percent," they leap closer and grab the old man by his collar, staring right into the fear in his eyes.

"I have a message for my people in Hel, deliver it when you see them. Tell them to rip this old cunt apart, yet keep one piece for me for when I arrive," he spits, watching as the ropes tangle around their throat and mummify them in front of his eyes, making the fear and anger burn out.

They throw the corpse on the floor and open the doors as the Tesseract casts another light, revealing Loki's chambers as it fades away.

"You shouldn't have scratched the ceiling with your horns," they say, worried.

"And? I laughed at the face of one old fool already, what's a second one? And if I am to join my family, let at least my exit from the hypocrites be dramatic," he laughs, ready for the guards to storm in and take him to the dungeons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bitch is down! I repeat, the bitch is down!  
> Also, Tessie's pronouns changed from it/its to they/them because Loki gets closer to them. They're less of a stone and more of a person


	4. Bridge and Chorus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Odin, language, major character death, suicide

> _No masters or kings when the ritual begins_

The shackles sing as Loki walks towards the throne, fighting back a grin. Odin, on the other hand, sits on his high quality chair, believing to be intimidating.

"You have committed a grave crime against the-" Odin tries to speak, but Loki chuckles.

"I know what I have done, Odin. No need to repeat yourself," they interrupt, using a voice they've been hiding in their throat since they learned how to speak.

And it has so much to say…

"Has your mother taught you no respect for your king?" They yell, their favourite way of speaking to Loki. In all these years, Loki cowarded away at this voice, scared of a physical expression of the anger. This time, he laughs at it.

"Not my mother, and I have no king but myself," they smile, watching a new wave of anger flashing in the old charlatan's face.

"Silence! You never knew how to shut this mouth of yours!" Odin raises his voice, hoping to see the now natural cowering of Loki. The only answer is another laugh.

"Do you _really_ want me to start speaking, Odin? To see who is truly guilty, with all these good dicks and whores listening?" Loki asks, a glow in his eyes as he gestures around as wide as the shackles allow. The harshness of their tongue makes the nobles who watch the "trial" gasp.

"Who taught you this language?" The old man spits, narrowing one eye.

"Apart from your anger? And that old warrior you ordered to teach Thor and me how to survive in a forest? And there are the guards, I can name a few but stitching is a worse crime than murder…" he mutters, acting if like he's chatting with a cup of tea other than being on a trial for murder.

> _There's no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin_

"Enough with your games! Why did you murder Lord Gæirasson in cold blood?" Odin asks the "big question", as if the right answer will lift the charges from Loki's name.

"Because… one, because he was a racist and offended me, to which the punishment is death. Two, because he started a war-"

"You started a war, Loki," Thor interrupts, taking Odin's side, like every time.

"A war had been started. Let's not blame people, Thor. Now where were I? Oh, yeah, at how Gæirasson started a war. Also, he refused to pay his taxes and you know how seriously I took my responsibility of being in charge of the palace's finances. Did war crimes against my people, father would be proud the son of a bitch is dead. And lastly, but definitely not least, a dreadful sense of fashion. Have you seen what his grooms wear? I think I threw up in my mouth when I saw it…" they finish with the rumbling, not even thinking of answering seriously. Odin will execute him anyways, would some fun be so bad?

"I said, enough with the games!" Odin basically screeches, their face going red.

> _In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene_

"For the murder of a lord, cause of a war and disrespect towards the throne, I Odin Allfather sentence you to a life in the dungeons," he decides.

"Dungeons? Not axe? Did Frigga's ghost or this moron talk you out of killing me?" Loki questions, taking their turn to narrow their eyes.

"If you keep talking, I might change my mind," Odin sighs, rubbing his temple.

"And get rid of this perfect pawn to hold King Laufey from the balls? A shame, really," Loki frowns, pretending awfully that he cares.

"I will not stand your disrespect any longer! I had granted you your life, Loki, more than once! You will learn to respect me for it! Take them to the dungeons!" Odin speaks the final order. Four guards grab the chains that lead to Loki's shackles and push him away, forcing him to walk with them

> _Only then I am human / only then I am free_

On the way to the dungeons, Thor stops the guards and demands to speak to Loki.

"Just tell me why, brother. Please. What didn't we give you to make you care so little?" they ask, grabbing Loki's shoulder, just like they always used to do.

"A family. That's what you didn't give me. And that's what I've earned," Loki answers, staring right into his no-brother's eyes, the blue in them and the pale lines that resemble his lightning. They know they won't see Thor from this close ever again, and they deserve a proper last memory.

"Then, I'm sorry. It's late, I know, but remember this, please… I shall visit, whenever I can, Loki. I swear. You shouldn't be in prison all alone," Thor promises. Loki gives only a nod, enough to make Thor dismiss the guards and let them keep walking Loki to his future and last chamber.

The only sign of emotions they allow themselves to show is a sigh, only out of sympathy.

For he knows that his freedom just begins.

> _Take me to church / I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies_

The moment the guards put Loki back into the white vacant cell and take their eyes off them, they cast an illusion of them settling on the floor and staring at nothing. The real Loki is walking up and down the room, waiting for the Tesseract to speak.

"Now?" he asks, feeling it close.

"Now, you need to learn who your family is. Not Odin, not Laufey, your true family, Entropy," they answer.

"What with this name? After all this, can't you call me by my name?" Loki groans.

"I am. You have many names. Entropy, the Chaos Stone, the Death Stone, the Knot… the last one, actually, is the name you're most familiar with, translated to Old Jötunn tongue," they speak, all matter-of-factly.

"You're lying, the Chaos stone is a myth," Loki brushes off the answer. 

"It does exist. A black gem, created by billions of ropes, strings and threads tangled together. The hardest one to wield and command and impossible to find. The Jötnar had found it and worshipped it. And when Laufey found out that his son is nothing but a dead baby, he sacrificed the infant for the infant. And Odin found the baby crying in the altar, the gem gone," 

"So I own my life to an imaginary stone, apart from an old piece of shit. What a surprise…" Loki throws their hands in the air.

"No. You are the imaginary stone. In order to give life, the Chaos gem entered your body and never left. You are the flesh of a corpse and the mind of an infinity stone. And it's time to leave the corpse and join us," 

The aimless walking stops, and Loki's heart skips a beat

> _I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife_

"You made me kill a man, for this?" he asks, glaring at nothing. They don't answer.

"You made me kill a man! Just so I could die!" boiling hot tears streaming down their eyes and slither into their shirt as burning red eyes stare at the empty room for something. "I trusted you! You promised me a family!" he yells between his sobs.

Their feet cannot support them, and they kneel down, turned into a crying sobbing and yelling mess. A hand, created by mist, grabs his shoulder, trying to provide comfort.

"I hate you," they spit, flaring their nose drills as they stare into the blue eyes of the illusion they use to pretend they're close to them. 

"I'm sorry, hurting you was… if I could prevent it…" the stone says and gives him a small squeeze. And they mean it. If there was a way to do it without any pain, they would. But it's too late, Loki is already hurt…

> _Offer me that deathless death_

Loki throws themselves into the tightest embrace they ever had, weeping like a baby. "I don't want to die. Please, I don't wanna die. Anything but this, anything, please!" he whispers, diving his head into their shoulder without a thought of holding back the tears.

"Shhhh, you won't die. Not truly. Your mind is the stone, as long as it exists you exist. And the body will stay intact until you need it again. You will be fine, I promise," they whisper, hoping of making them feel better.

"I'm scared, Tessie. I'm so scared, I can't," for a prince, Loki sounds so small, almost like the small child they used to be. Tessie starts playing with his hair, hoping to calm him down, even for a bit.

"It's alright. Everything will be fine, no matter if you do it or not," they shush them.

"If I do it or not?" Loki repeats, sniffing quietly and breaking the hug only to look at the misty blue eyes of Tessie.

"I… you're in so much pain… if you decide that you had enough, you'll be left alone," they explain. Loki nods, still quivering from the crying, but determined.

"No. We got so far. I-I-I'm not giving up," he lets his voice get louder, and then stands up. "What do I do?" they ask, collected once again.

"Get comfortable in a position. And once you're ready, make the ropes appear and let them wash over you," Tessie explains, holding this sympathetic voice. Loki nods and sits back down against the white wall, moving to get comfortable.

Then, with just a thought, the ropes appear and fill him with this calming sensation. Tessie walks closer and cups their cheeks. "See you on the other side, Loki," they smile and kiss their forehead before vanishing.

Loki takes a deep breath, and looks around the cage. He remembers a field day he had when little, a good day. Odin was sleeping on a bench and Frigga was yelling at them and Thor to not get into trouble as Thor dragged Loki, who was just above six, on an expiration of the forest around a castle in Vanaheim. Of course, they returned after the sun was down, with scraped up knees and dirty clothes and Loki had traces of tears in his cheeks because a bug scared him. But it had been, and still is, the best time they ever had with Thor.

He holds tight into the memory as he lets the ropes cover him and closes his eyes.

> _Good God, let me give you my lifeu_

The guards don't know how this happened. One moment, Loki was gazing at nothing and the next… 

How does one say this to the Allfather?

The healers walk out of the cage when Thor storms in the dungeons, on the verge of panicking. "Is he alive?" It's all they ask.

The healers won't answer, it's enough to know. 

Thor walks in and sits beside what used to be Loki, holding their cold and deformed hand and letting tears run down his face.

Loki doesn't respond, how could he?

He's a statue, as if made from black stone, and his hands covered in stone black ropes, with a faint glow where his heart should be being the only sign that there was once life there.

Loki's face doesn't have the signature smirk, and there's no gleam in their closed eyes. But he does wear a peaceful smile. A smile Thor regrets he had to see this body in order to know that his brother knows finally peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a terrible person, yes

**Author's Note:**

> So, yes, It started strong. Also, I want Loki's interactions with the Tesseract to look like delusional episodes but I forgot to do the research, so if anyone knows better, you may comment and correct me.


End file.
